Miss

I miss the days we wrote journal to each other. I check your blog everyday but still no new post.

kinda lonely though...

hmm...

2017

dear Chris,

I am very happy to have you. I rarely do countdown with anyone. I always wanted to stay home, watching series during new year countdown because I was single. 2016 was a tough year for me, I was very depressed, miserable, fragile & exhausted.

the best thing happened in 2016 was you.

I was so looking forward to countdown together with you. you made me feel excited about it. & I was really anticipated to spend that moment with you.

last night when you wanted to send me home, I felt very disappointed, angry & sad. you almost broke your promise, broke my heart again. I almost wanted to cry.

but I'm glad that eventually you & I get to be together at that precious moment. don't always make your own judgement & decision. please listen to my voice, & understand what I say & what I want.

luckily we make it through. I'm happy. I'm blissful. I wish we could do it always in future.

I hope that 2017 will be a better year for you, for me, & also for us. I will learn to love you better. I also hope that you can do so.

my love. I'm sorry that you are tired. hope you can rest well. please cheer up.

happy new year!

sleep

it's 3am, I woke up & couldn't fall sleep again. I feel stressed. I couldn't stop worrying & thinking.

im worried that I might oversleep again today. im worried that I couldn't manage to get up & breakfast with you. Im worried I will let you down.

recently I always have bad dreams. sometimes it's about you abandon me. sometimes it's about people I don like. sometimes it's about school. sometimes it's the past.

I have a lot of responsibility & stress. I feel helpless & sad. before this. I not dare to paktoh because I don think I got time for it. I guess I was right.

does that mean I should nvr pakto?

im sorry, my dear.

I feel sad. I miss u. & I need you.

but I also understand that if you feel tired & unhappy with me, with current relationship, if you think I cant fulfill your wish & desire, if you wish to stop, I understand. im sad. im crying now. I want u to be happy. seeing that I always cant make you happy, I feel sad & stressed.

you know, everyday I feel tired, sad, angry, but still Im anticipated to meet you. I looking forward to seeing you, cuddling with you. it's the best time of my day although it's short time. but I cant be selfish I know.

I love you.

I hope that you love me & my family too.

Merry Christmas, love

my dear, it's our first Christmas. thank you for being together with on Christmas eve & Christmas day.

you make my Christmas meaningful & happy.

I love you, and I already start feeling sad that we left only one week holidays. I miss you a lot. I rarely show my emotion, I hide my emotion well in my heart.

I prepared couple mugs for you. with our Bali photos printed on mugs. I hope you like the mugs.

thank you for making 100 paper hearts for me. you put effort in it. im touched. I feel happy everytime I see it. I can feel your love. I really love it.

thank you for giving me the flowery dress. you really surprised me. im happy. you already surprised me when you gave me the line app grey tshirt. last night you surprised me again.

thank you for bringing me to cafe2 for a romantic dinner. it's like a dream.

dear, I love dancing with you..I feel so happy dancing together with you. I love cuddling with you while watching tv. it's so perfect. I wish I can be with you like that forever.

my love, are you real?

you are the best thing that ever happened to me.

you are the sweetest thing in my life.

you are the best guy.

you are the most handsome in my eyes.



I miss you already.
dear Chris, merry Christmas. I wanna spend every Christmas with you. please stay with me always.

I love you.

22nd

happy 5 month anniversary


I have no regrets

I love you

today Christmas gift has come. I cant wait to give you. hope you wont be disappointed.

dear Chris, I love you

Pura Ulun Danu Bratan

To me, during our Bali trip, this place is the most memorable place. firstly, it's my first time visit. secondly, you rode the scooter for two hours in order to reach there & another two hours back to Ubud. thirdly, our scooter was out of petrol for two times, going there one time & coming back one time.

Pura ulun danu bratan is the name of the temple. it looks like a pagoda. unexpectedly, it's actually at highland. I didn't expect the lake will be on the mount.

dear, I know that you were nervous & stressed about the rainy weather & petrol. you seem afraid that I might get angry & scold you. 老公, I wont. yet I think that it's very interesting experience. a lot of fun. a lot of memories.

when you were away with the kind uncle, i was sitting alone on scooter seat, there were 2 cars driving past & honking at me. that time I was a little afraid but I still enjoyed the scene a lot. it's very quiet & peaceful.

when you came back to me in such a short time, I felt surprised & happy.

another memory on this day is you were unhappy that I gave you direction to bebek bengil too slow. in order to punish you, I insisted to ride back home. there were a few reasons I wanna ride actually. firstly, I wanna ride just because I wanna ride, even just short distance, because I wanna experience it again. secondly, I wanna let you know how I actually felt sitting behind you, although you thought you were stable, you neglected my feeling & anxiety. I wanna let you feel hw I feel. even if you are stable, I still worry. it's not your problem, nt my problem, it's just naturally happening. thirdly, it's so much fun riding, with you behind, sense your nervousness, I feel a lot of happiness. wahaha. that s why I couldn't stop laughing at the end & stopped by roadside. if not, I could have gone back homestay.


honey, you are very sweet.

my dear, I love you. & I need you. and you are my shoulder. muaks.

thank you for everything.

short hair

18 December 2016

I got myself jellyfish hairstyle. I'm the type of girl that won't cry if my hair turnt out awful or too short after a cut (maybe yeah when I was 5)

hair will grow. that s what I think.

so my dear, let's shave our heads together one day in future. let's go bald for raising awareness of cancer.

my love, I love you.

I love you.