Saturday, November 5, 2016

Shoulder

Today I had a fight with my mother. I'm really very heartbroken. Everything she says hurts me so much. I'm really very disappointed with her. I don't want to talk to her anymore unless important matter.

My mother is not a mother. I believe that there are good mothers and also terrible mothers. And my mother is the worst mother. I hate her. But also I love her. I hate her so much that sometimes I wish her dead. I love her so much that I would feel lonely if she died. Very dramatic.

She should be the angel that loves me, protects me and care for me. But she never does so. That is why I'm so independent. I don't need her in my life. In fact, she needs me more than I need her. I always hope that I don't have her in my life. I always entertain her. I always try to please her. I always try to make her happy. But she is never satisfied. She takes me for granted. She bullies me. She doesn't love me like other normal mothers. She is never gentle, soft and caring. She is selfish, self-centered, narrow-minded, easily angered, emotional and childish.

I hate her.

I really hate her.

But still I really love her.

That is why I cannot leave her behind. Because she has only me. Because if I left her, she has nobody else to look after her. Sometimes I hope she and I can be like other mother and daughter, chatting happily and sharing everything. But I can't. It's impossible for me to chat nicely with her because she always angers me. It's impossible for me to share everything with her because she never approves of me and says negative comments towards my doing.

I'm tired of being a daughter, especially being her daughter. I feel so tired.

She should be the angel to protect me under her wings. Yet she hurts me with her words, her words as if arrow penetrates my heart.

My love. I'm blessed to have you. You to be the shoulder that I can lie on, cry on. You made my life better. You listened to me. You understand me. Thank you my love.

All I need is your shoulder. I want to lie on your shoulder and cry. My love, please never mistreat me like my mom does. Please don't break my heart like my mom does.

My love, I will always love you. I will always appreciate you.

I need you.

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