The Letter

I just read your blog and I feel surprised to see the first letter I wrote to you. It's written on 22nd of June, and what a coincidence, that we get together on 22nd of July, one month right after that.

I still remember the moments I wrote this letter. It was the night before I left Daro. I felt something very strongly that night, about Daro. I wonder if it's loneliness or sadness. But I know that I really started to miss Daro. Nostalgic. I hated Daro, to be honest. Just like you, I also hated Daro. But I spent 5 years in Daro. Five years such a long time. During those 5 years, I wrote 3 books and completed my master course. The five year time caused me feel so sentimental that night. I always prayed to God that I wanted to leave Daro within 5 years. And God had answered to my prayer. Five years, He made it happen.

My best friend in Daro was PeiYing but she left earlier than me. And I was so alone. I was very grateful that at least I got you after she left. That's why I also always accompanied you back then. You and I always had stuff to talk about. And I felt so comfortable being together with you. I trusted you a lot as a friend. But I never thought too much, you know.  Because we never really had flirty or sparks thing happened between us. When I started to take leave, I started to miss the moments we had breakfast and dinner together, and our car rides too. But then I didn't think much.

Because I guess we would never be in love. I thought it's impossible for you to love me, and me to love. And I thought there're so many things that I didn't like you about you (but soon after we getting together, you quit smoking and lose weight). I didn't think much.

20th of June, I went back to Daro, To settle my transfer, pack my stuff and move away from Daro. I felt very alone actually. And luckily I had you back then. You accompanied me most of the time. I still remember that 22nd of June was a public holiday. That day you stayed at my quarters and helped me to pack my stuff while I was preparing my serah tugas documents. I was very touched. That day I thought that you were such a good friend. And I really prayed for you, you know. I really prayed to God so that He will prepare some girl who is kind and nice for you, to be your wife.

'You are such a nice person. But you're not mine' I thought.

Hm, now I'm happy because you're mine. Haha. =D

That night, after everything packed, after I settled everything, I felt so empty. It's like a dream that I came to Daro. And everything I experienced in Daro just like a dream. Even my transfer still like a dream. Everything is short.

And I realized that I had some feelings towards you that night. I knew that I have feelings for you. But I didn't want to develop it or confess to you or start anything with you. It seemed ridiculous to me that time. And I was very disappointed with love. In the past, I tried to love but I never made it.

I didn't want to try anymore.

So I wrote the letter. I didn't want to confess. I didn't want to start anything with you. I didn't even want to develop the feelings. I just wanted to write a letter to you. I hoped that you could change and improve yourself, to be a better man, and get together with a nice girl. I wished that you could be a happy man.

I wanted you to be a happy man.

And, I still want you to be a happy man.

I prayed to God that I didn't want to do anything, but if you were the one, let you be the one who confessed. To be honest, I never expected that you really would confess because I couldn't feel a bit of your love at all. you confessed to me at the right timing. And I didn't expect that the letter that I wrote could bring so much influence to you, and to me. I was surprised and touched when I first heard you said that actually you could first time sense my love in that letter.

I guess, you and I are really kinda connected.

My love. I'm grateful that I met you, know you, and in love with you. I wish that we could be loving forever. I also wish that you could be with me all the time as long as I live.

I love you, Muaks Muaks.