A Long Day

always things happened in my life. my life has always been dramatic life. unexpected things keep occurring.
without any symptom, my father suddenly fallen ill seriously. he's been weak, lost appetite & immobile since last December. he always sleeps. he rather sleeps than to wake to eat.
i read article before saying that old people are like that. eat less, sleep more. never force old people to eat a lot. i then change my way. i want to leave no regrets. i told him to tell me whatever he wanna eat at anytime. i will try my best to get the food & let him have a taste of it. even though after school im tired, i still will go tapao for him. even almost reaching home, i still will turn to the certain shop & buy the food. even though mother disagreed to give him ice cream, i still will get for him. it's because i don't want to disappoint him. and also because im scared he might leave suddenly & i wish that he can get all he wants.i hope that i can fulfill all his wishes, at least in getting food he wants.
老公 im glad that u are there for me. i feel so much better when i see you. & i feel completely fine in your arms. i feel peace when we hug each other. 老公 thank you so much for today. you were so tired but you still wanted to stay with me. I love you.
i love my father. since 10 years ago, i keep telling myself that my father is very old & might leave anytime. i try to be mentally well prepared for it. however it's never enough preparation. im still scared. & in my heart i always cannot let him go. i always pray that he can stay with me at least until after my wedding day. i always wish that he can walk me down the aisle. for now, it's too much. i just pray that he can go without pain & struggle, and that i can be tough enough to face his leaving.
that day will come, no matter what. on that day, please be with me. please come to me, find me, hug me & comfort me. it will be the most heartbreaking day in my life.
im glad that i have you. i admit that im scared to pakto. but you always can make me feel better.
you are my sleeping pil.
and also you are my painkiller.
i love you, 老公.
muaks muaks.
please take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of me. please live healthily. please live long. please stay by my side. please don't leave me until we're very old. i want you to be there with me as long as i live.
i love you. 😘